she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
