i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
