What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
