I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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