rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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