More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
