Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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