HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
