Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
