it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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