You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
