I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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