no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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