It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sarcasm needs its own font
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
