At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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