Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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