I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
