so explain again why im purple
no
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
