he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
