You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
