We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
