College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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