Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
