oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
