and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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