Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
