He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
