is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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