Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
