i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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