It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
