dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
