I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
from now on my penis is your penis
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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