We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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