I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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