i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
