She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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