how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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