What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
