Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
