It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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