i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
