i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
