i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dignity is for republicans.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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