Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
