I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
