Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
