Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
