Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
