I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
