Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
