They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
