The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
